Living in Limbo

So, here we still are. Rob and I have been our-homeless for almost a month, sold absolutely everything except skis and winter clothing (even the Jeep is gone), and still waiting for our e-tickets. In the past four weeks, it hasn’t been an emotional fun time. From feelings of excitement to nervousness, overwhelmed to helplessness. It’s the first non-summer feel I’ve ever had.

Have there been doubts about this entire move???? Oh yes there have been.

Sitting here right now in a home that isn’t mine, surrounded by boxes of clothing and personal items that would squish into suitcases, I feel unlike myself (which is a pretty scary thing when I believe in always being the ‘real me’ no matter what circumstance). I’m mentally located where going down to the kitchen to make a coffee or food seems more of a chore then to walk 10 minutes to a place called Fairgrounds Organic Coffee; which we have also dubbed as our temporary home. There is no place like your OWN home, or your OWN space (and I don’t mean parents either).

I think the only thing holding me together today, with a slight blip in a breakdown yesterday, was contacting the travel agents (although I should have just ‘waited patiently’) and finding out they have Rob and I on their list to organize flights. A gentlemen said that I was to receive the tickets today – yes, today – for a flight this week. Do I believe him? Do I trust him? Can I believe him?  I don’t know. Scary huh? The lack of credibility from the consultants that are working with **** and their travel agents is disappointing to say in the least. They NEED us, but it seems they are way over their heads in organizing 1000 teachers plus families at one go.

At this point, when we’ve given up everything; our jobs, our rental unit, our car, our furniture and everything else you can imagine (although all materials), how do you know when to call “it quits”? Comparatively, how do you know when to “abandon a book” you’ve been reading?

Last night walking home from our java-shop, I compared this “limbo life” to owning a beater car. When do you give up on it? If you put an extra $1000 into the car, it might go for another couple of years, but then again, it might be a lemon and keep asking for repairs. It’s no different then leaving the standard living here like we have been up until now and waiting for a ticket to begin an experience of the unknown. But how long do you wait? Our employers told us to be ready as of August 1st. It’s now the 30th. What’s one more day? One more week? When do we give up and say “It was a good go anyway”.

It’s very frustrating. It’s probably one of the most frustrating experiences thus far, but yet different. This is not the frustration experienced when working for a principal that doesn’t give you a perm if you don’t kiss her ass, or having people in your life constantly asking “When are you going to buy a house?” “Have kids?” or “Why are you so lost in life?”

What we want is a new experience, and why not? We’re young, feeling alive, and wanting to live life. I’m not waiting for retirement to live my life, so why not do it when I’m 31! I know it’ll all work out once I get there. There are about 400 teachers there, living it up in a five-star hotel, have found out where they are teaching, living after the hotel and visiting the amazing sights, and experiencing a new culture. It is real.

When I look to what is GOING TO HAPPEN, it’s amazing. It may be tough, it may be tiring, but I look forward to it. It’s not the patience I have that’s holding me to this experience. It’s hope.

Hope all of you are well. I will keep you posted.
Smile, I am (even right now), *Mel